The Good City

I don't have much time, but I wanted to write this down.

I am a pessimist and a cynic. I try to fight this inclination, but even when I can ameliorate it, I still see more darkness than some. But I am not completely irreverent. There are still some things that I value about human existence, and most of those things involve other humans. Unfortunately, as a pessimist, I am not that optimistic about "human nature." I believe that the things about humans that I value are pretty fragile, for the most part. They involve caring and peace and humor and loyalty and sacrifice and creativity. All beautiful things that keep me going. But, also, things that can be crushed under the weight of our baser instincts when and if our basic survival is threatened.

So, here's my insight of the day; the goal of the State should be to make it as easy as possible for people to do the right thing. It must be strong and vital to protect something as delicate and fragile as human decency. Because if shit hits the fan, and people start eating each other...well, then, it's just going to be a lot harder to keep getting up in the morning, ya know?

drunk early evening

It's awesome to be drunk before 7:00 on a Thursday. I hereby extoll the uprightness of such a state, and I plead with you, my brethren, to aspire to it.

It all boils down to this: Ball Sack Heart Attack. There is nothing else, nor should there be. Ball Sack Heart Attack is all you need to know, and all you should care about.

I wish I were rich. It would be so much easier to buy things that way. Do you ever wonder how rich people motivate themselves? I do. I think it all comes down to Ball Sack Heart Attack.

Ellen is very charming. I prefer her show to all those other shows, except for Knife Show. Knife Show is on one of those home shopping type channels. The content of Knife Show involves a cornocopia of knives on a spinning display. Knife Show is definitely the greatest thing ever. I have some tips for you if you decide to patronize knife show.

1. Wait...they will probably lower the price.

2. Wait...they will probably throw in a sword or two.

I have no idea why anybody would need 150, slightly varied, pocket knives. I myself am the proud owner of the Abalone Cousins set, a 4 piece pocket knife collection with abalone handles. If I were ever going to stab a bitch, I would definitely use my Abalone Cousins. However, I can't help but realize that I don't really need all four knives in order to stab a bitch.

Knife Show is awesome. So is being drunk before 7:00 on a Thursday.

Here's what I think; Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes you kill the bear with a knife you bought from Knife Show.

Why is it that all the women I meet are so afraid of my chiseled physique? Hey, it's not going to kill you, ya know? Just because water is to my chest as oil is to a tiled floor does not mean that I am not sensitive and tender. I will sing you an Elvis song! And you will cry, oh yes.

I am quite powerful. One time, I picked up this guy, right off the ground. I squeezed him so hard. My muscles were Bob Vila, and he was my Old House. I pounded him with my wooden nails. It was spectacularly primitive and elegant.

Stop! Don't buy those knives just yet! Soon, they will offer you more knives at a better price....trust me, I know.

Ball Sack Heart Attack

The Good, the Gooder, and the Baddest

I admire people who are very self-less, people who have egos that don't need a lot of propping up and are fairly welcoming of criticism. The kind of people who can go to a show and enjoy the performance without thinking, "God, I wish I could do that." If my ego is spastic and thirsty, theirs is calm, flat, and sated. I admire those people because I am not really one of them.

Instead, I'm a bit selfish and self-absorbed, like most people. I get offended pretty easily, and I don't take criticism very well. But I've noticed something about us, the clan of the ego-maniacs (which is also the name of a popular young adult novel, I think). Some of us are fully aware of our self-absorption, and some of us are not. I believe that being self-obsessed AND self-aware is better than being self-obsessed and self-ignorant.

Ego-maniacs who don't know they're egomaniacs are little pockets of disaster and strife. On the heavenly pitch, they war with the thousand points of light, and the earth in rendered as the Yin and the Yang claw for territory.

tickling my ivories

I'm trying to learn keyboard. It's very fun. In so doing, I'm also learning to read music. I've been playing by ear and using some very rudimentary music knowledge over the past 15 years, so it's very odd trying to learn to read (it reminds me of learning to read words when I was a kid).

I went to Cincinnati this weekend and had a lot of fun. For the unitiated, visit www.cepstral.com and check out the text-to-speech options. Lawrence, the posh british voice, is a favorite of Cepstral connoiseurs. At least when Lawrence hangs out with me and my friends, he has a very dirty mouth. I recommend using a slightly elevated pitch.

I also want to remind folks that they can sign up for EMAIL UPDATES of the Chronicles of Joe-nia. It will send a copy of all new posts to your email address, and if you want to post a comment, you can just shoot on over to the website.

Peace and Humptiness forever.

acronyms revisited

I think it's hilarious and annoying when groups choose their acronyms first and then work backwards to create a name. Like, if I was creating a name for a group that does environmental advocacy, I might choose the name E.A.R.T.H.H.U.G. And then, I'd say, "Man, that's a great acronym! How can I justify such an awesome acronym with real words?" And then I'd decide that I want to be Environmental Advocates Relating To Human Hearts, Unseating Governments."

Speaking of acronyms, it's about time to start this year's acronym contest, so get your minds cooking!

The Religious...it's like, "hey, give it a rest, will ya?!"

It's 7 degrees outside right now. Surely, this is a sign from God. I think there was a prophecy, perhaps in Nehemiah, to the effect of "when the temperature aligns with the holy number, it shall portend numerous things having to do with God."

For any of my Biblical literalist friends out there, I hope you are aware that Revelation was only one of many books written in the "apocalyptic style," a literary convention that was popular at the time employing heavily symbolic and fantastic imagery dealing with the end of the world. And I hope you are aware that the symbols employed by the revelator refer to the Roman Empire and John's burning desire to see it crushed, rahter than a literal prediction of the events of the end of the world.

It is amazing to me that so many Christians profess a belief that the Bible is written infallibly by God but have absolutely no interest in learning about the historical evolution of the text. I mean, the very fact that it was written over the course of thousands of years seems to be swept under the rug of most sermons. Not to mention that most books have undergone layer upon layer of editing by different factions, particularly the very ancient cosmological tales that first existed in the oral tradition.

It just seems to me that the central dogmas of the traditional religions (the creeds, not the values) are fairly outlandish and, at the very least, bear the burden of proof. By all means, believe in them; just be aware of how extreme those tenets are. It is not the secular world that is out in left field; it's you!

The fascinating thing about conservative/literalist/fundamentalist relgion is that it can be so incredibly insular. The extreme example is those entire towns that have been basically taken over by particular sects of a religion (you know, the ones where the men all have a bunch of 13 yr old wives?) But even the run-of-the-mill evangelical church culture consciously attempts to remove itself from the secular world. Christian tv, Christian music, books, music, homeschooling, camps, social circles....the walls of these parralel sub-cultures can be quite thick, even if they are invisible. Within those walls, the assumption becomes that everyone you meet is Christian, when in fact, the percentage of people who subscribe to very conservative Christianity is quite low (just like, at my little liberal college, the assumption is that everyone you meet is a Democrat, even though 50% of Americans aren't).

Just felt like talking religion...I don't get to do that much anymore.

Democracy is ok I guess

I'm down with democracy and all, but I can't help but notice that it has some major drawbacks. One of these is that most of our politicians are lawyers, which for the most part means that they're bad at math. And I've come to believe that math is a pretty important part of figuring out how to solve problems. If the public elected people who would actually be good at governing, rather than smiley, rich, plaster-haired frat boys who are good at making speeches and money, I think we would probably be closer to solving problems.

Another problem with democracy...people don't like to make sacrifices. It may be that, in the coming decades, our entitlement
liabilitites will be so burdensome that we simply won't be able to afford a lot of potentially effective programs. So, perhaps we should think about either reducing our liabilities or raising revenue, right? Because of good ol' democracy, neither of these options are likely. Which means that we will continue to spend money we don't have by borrowing more and more.

I know dictators usually end up turning evil and all, but sometimes I just wish we had some philosopher-kings at the helm. Maybe they would prohibit me from making stupid mistakes, like eating a bunch of heavily seasoned ground beef right before bedtime....such a prohibition would have been useful about an hour ago.