drunk early evening

It's awesome to be drunk before 7:00 on a Thursday. I hereby extoll the uprightness of such a state, and I plead with you, my brethren, to aspire to it.

It all boils down to this: Ball Sack Heart Attack. There is nothing else, nor should there be. Ball Sack Heart Attack is all you need to know, and all you should care about.

I wish I were rich. It would be so much easier to buy things that way. Do you ever wonder how rich people motivate themselves? I do. I think it all comes down to Ball Sack Heart Attack.

Ellen is very charming. I prefer her show to all those other shows, except for Knife Show. Knife Show is on one of those home shopping type channels. The content of Knife Show involves a cornocopia of knives on a spinning display. Knife Show is definitely the greatest thing ever. I have some tips for you if you decide to patronize knife show.

1. Wait...they will probably lower the price.

2. Wait...they will probably throw in a sword or two.

I have no idea why anybody would need 150, slightly varied, pocket knives. I myself am the proud owner of the Abalone Cousins set, a 4 piece pocket knife collection with abalone handles. If I were ever going to stab a bitch, I would definitely use my Abalone Cousins. However, I can't help but realize that I don't really need all four knives in order to stab a bitch.

Knife Show is awesome. So is being drunk before 7:00 on a Thursday.

Here's what I think; Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes you kill the bear with a knife you bought from Knife Show.

Why is it that all the women I meet are so afraid of my chiseled physique? Hey, it's not going to kill you, ya know? Just because water is to my chest as oil is to a tiled floor does not mean that I am not sensitive and tender. I will sing you an Elvis song! And you will cry, oh yes.

I am quite powerful. One time, I picked up this guy, right off the ground. I squeezed him so hard. My muscles were Bob Vila, and he was my Old House. I pounded him with my wooden nails. It was spectacularly primitive and elegant.

Stop! Don't buy those knives just yet! Soon, they will offer you more knives at a better price....trust me, I know.

Ball Sack Heart Attack