Sit-down Country

Oh my holy god, am I out of shape. I played basketball this morning..full-court!...and I can barely type. How the hell do one's hands get tired playing basketball? If that isn't a sign of my decrepitude, I don't know what is.

One thing I've learned over the past four months working with the poor and the elderly...bodies are governed by the same law that governs the universe...the law of entropy. Things fall apart. So do people.

That being said, I'm a young man, and I believe in my heart that I can get my body into a more functional state than it currently enjoys. While I would enjoy the aesthetic benefits that such a change would bring, I would be even happier to be able to climb stairs without losing my breath, or go on a backpacking trip, or play a goddamned game of basketball as well as I could when I was 15.

Like most Americans in this post-industrial economy, my work life will undoubtedly involve a tremendous amount of sitting. And my leisure time tends to involve a tremendous amount of eating. This summer was my induction into that reality, the Office Space reality, and I have to say that I agree with Mike Judge...humans were not meant to sit in little cubicles all day staring at screens. To those who have chosen, or fallen into, careers that involve something else, I commend and envy you. I have not been so clever or lucky, and I will have to get it into my gut that I will have to devote a significant portion of my free time to staying healthy if I am to have a highly functional body.

I guess I just feel like I'm getting old, and things aren't working quite like they used to.

Giving up free time is a big sacrifice for me, psychologically. I have a lot of hobbies, and I have a lot of friends, and I'm trying to find a job and fall in love. All of those things demand a portion of the precioius little free-time that a 40 hour week affords. Spending ANY of that time on a treadmill, or on a weight bench, fills me with flesh-searing rage. I have so much other shit I'd rather be doing! And work will demand my presence in such a short while!

Alas, I must swallow this bitter pill. I am a professional sitter...which means I need to be an amateur mover and a finicky eater. Fuck!

some cool lyrics

I think I'm just going to post some lyrics that I like:

"A sweatin and swearin all day long,
shoutin "get up there oxen, keep movin along
load 'er up boys, cause it looks like rain,
I gotta get rollin, this old long train"

This story happened a long time ago
The log train is silent, God called daddy to go
But when I get to heaven to always remain
I'll listen for the whistle of the old log train."
Hank Williams
Log Train

"Come all of you cowboys all over this land
I'll sing you the law of the Ranger's command.

To hold a six-shooter and never to run
As long as there's bullets in both of your guns.

I met a fair maiden whose name I don't know
I asked her to the round-up with me would she go.

She said she'd go with me to the cold round-up
And drink that hard liquor from a cold bitter cup.

We started for the round-up in the fall of the year
Expecting to get there with a herd of fat steer.

When the rustlers broke on us in the dead hour of night
She rose from her warm bed a battle to fight.
She rose from her warm bed with a gun in each hand
Saying, "Come all you cowboys, and fight for your land."

Come all of you cowboys, and don't ever run
As long as there's bullets in both of your guns."

Woody Guthrie
Ranger's command

"You can fall for chains of silver,
you can fall for chains of gold.
You can fall for pretty strangers
and the promises they hold.

You promised me everything,
you promised me thick and thin.
Now you just say, "Oh yeah, Romeo,
You know I used to have a scene with him"

Dire Straits
Romeo and Juliet

"Brother flower, are you listenin?
Let me sing a song for you
Brother flower, petals glistenin,
In the bashful mornings dew
Brother flower, when the sun shines
And the dew has flown away
If you dont mind weak and wrong rhymes
Brother flower, may I stay?

Brother flower, you aint lonely
For youve always been alone
But I havent been so lucky
I had love and now its gone
I have arms to hold another
Never to hold her again
I have life to give lover
You have life to give the wind

Brother flower, when the snow flies
And you lay your beauty down
Brother flower, are you sleepin
There upon the cold, cold ground
Brother flower, please awaken
Show the sky your face of blue
Let me know I aint forsaken
Seems like all I have is you"

Townes Van Zandt
Brother Flower

microphone!

I got a new microphone for my computer, so I can finally start recording some stuff. I was playing around with it last night, and I had to face a hard fact of life:

I can't sing for shit.

The bad part is, I really do sound good to myself in my head! I don't know what psycho-sensory processes are occuring which allow my voice to seem perfectly in tune and melodious in my head when objective evidence seems to suggest otherwise.

The good thing is that being able to hear myself might make me focus more on my voice, so that I'll make sure to stay within an appropriate vocal range and find appropriate keys to sing songs in. Hopefully, it'll also help me strengthen and train my voice a little, though I doubt I'll ever be great. I mean, I'm not the worst singer in the world by any means. (which is sort of like me retorting to my friend, who chastised me for eating pizza, that "hey, it's better than lard", to which he responded, in a tone of mock defeat, yes, it's more healthy than eating lard.")

The nice thing is that I really am a pretty decent old-time banjo player. that's nice.

bad poetry

Every day we rise from bed, we make the same decision.
Today I will not join the dead, I'll stay among the living
Recompense you won't receive, though it's the right decision
save the joy you can savor from the air you are breathing

I will not join the dead today, I'll stay among the quick
Though nothing keeps me from that door except I choose to live
Nothing but the air and the sun and the earth
and the mystery that beckons us wherever we might look

Acronym Contest: Let's Go!

It's high time for the second annual acronym contest.

This year, contestants will not be able to win by "filling in" the most acronyms with the actual, real words that the acronyms came from (I'm sure there is a fancy linguistic term for that...antecedents?...but I don't know it). This option was underutilized last year, and seeing as how it isn't funny either, there's no real point to pursuing it. I'll supply the answers, just for curiosity's sake, when I announce the winners.

I'm also trying something new. I'm listing words that I think could, possibly, be used as an acronym for some hypothetical organization. You can invent the organization that would go with that acronym. Ex: P.O.O.P: People Otherwise Occupied by Poop.

To play, come up with funny "antecedents" to the acronyms listed below. Ex: U.S.A.: Unclean Shark Association. (If you don't think that's funny, you can blow me).

You can either post your answers here in the Comments section, or you can email them to me. acronymcontest@hotmail.com.

Let the games begin:

R.A.F.

R.S.V.P.

C.A.P.

W.N.B.A.

M.C.C.S.C.

B.B.B.S.

T.F.A.S.

G.L.B.T.Q.

A.F.S.C.

P.E.T.A.

Part 2:

G.A.R.G.L.E.

N.U.D.E.

T.H.I.R.S.T.

R.I.C.H.E.S.

D.O.G.G.Y.

ironic amendment

Starting an internship tomorrow working for a large nonprofit. I have no idea what I'll be doing exactly. At least I'll be getting paid, though not very much.

Here's some thoughts:

I hereby pen this ironic amendment
Those who got money got no time to spend it
Those with stomachs unsated for leisure
peck at their work with enormous displeasure

Money for work is how it's long been
And money goes not to the lover's of sin
it goes to the lover's of work, don't you see.
And that kind of lover, I'll never be

Remember, good folks, the ironic addendum
The riches belong to the folks who don't spend 'em
The richest man isn't the one with the sword
it's the square in the office who never gets bored.