Eff that noise, B.

I've been thinking about trying something. That something is being happy. One key is that I have to accept defeat on some fronts. Sometimes, in love and war, you just declare victory and go home. After a long, bloody, somewhat futile and stupid war. I win! Game over.

Another key is trying to appreciate the good things in my life. There's a lot of those. This is probably the biggest key of all the keys. I'm not very good at having fun or being grateful or living in the moment. These are all related to each other. I approach a great deal of my life as a task which I must dispose of expeditiously. Eating, school, um...other pleasures....I'm not very good at savoring things. I've led an interesting life with a lot of good things in it...I should be more grateful for that.

Third key...planning. I need to plan, so I can savor. Planning and discipline reduce worry, which enhances enjoyment. I need to plan ahead, so I can fill my free time with fun, social, cool stuff. i.e., NOT screwing around on the internet. I have enough friends in this town to do fun stuff, but I need to plan ahead, cause if I'm not gonna be the planmaster, who will be?

I'm getting pretty close to 30 years old, and I have not been a happy person for most of that time, generally speaking. You know what?...Fuck that noise.