A Civilized Man

Acronym Contest results will be posted very soon! Stay tuned!

To all my readers (you two rascals), sorry for the absence.

It's the beginning of the end of this semester, and I'm starting to gear up for the final push. Unfortunately, due to some circumstances beyond my control, I may have to take an incomplete for one of my courses, so I wouldn't be able to officially graduate until I finish all the work for that course (probably sometime next semester). I really don't want to do that, but I might not have a choice due to my professor's anal retentive refusal to alter the course requirements to accommodate the aforementioned unforseeable problems.

The life of a 26 year-old bachelor...Friday night finds our hero heavily inebriated at a Halloween party for graduate students. Later in the evening, our hero finds himself alone and eating Jimmy John's by himself on his friend's porch. A fitful night of drunk sleep emerges onto a body whose message to its owner seems to be, "what the fuck are you doing? You know, you really can't do this anymore. If you treated me with a modicum of respect in your choices of food or your exercise habits, maybe I could let you get away with a night of poisoning every once in a while. But, c'mon asshole...it's really not funny anymore."

"Shut your ugly face! I had fun! It was worth it, damnit!" replies the body's owner.

The body, undeterred by this farcical attempt at dominance, queries, "oh yeah? Which part did you enjoy? The drinking of cheap beer or the sleeping alone?"

"I hate you"

"I hate you more"

Their anger smoldering, our hero's mind and body spent the day sleeping and watching movies. The body punished the mind by thwarting the mind's noble intentions to pursue productive activity, like homework and job searches. The mind knew that the body's anger was justified, but his pigheadedness thwarted his noble intentions of contrition.

"Where are we going?" asked the body.

"We're going to Panera!" said the mind. "I know how much you like it there. It's gonna make you feel so much better."

"Oh yeah? That's so generous of you. Actually, you know what? Can I just ask you for one little thing? Maybe, instead of Panera, you can just..I don't know...not fucking poision the shit out of me anymore? Maybe that would be a nice thing...you know, for you to do for me. dick."

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I'm just about finished with my PhD applications. I'm facing this big black gulf after graduation, with no job waiting to pay my rent. I think about Hannibal Lecter...he said, "A civilized society would either kill me or give me my books."

Whatever happens, just let me have access to a library....just don't take away my books.