Haircuts and Humpty

I really hate getting my hair cut, cause I never know what to say when they ask me what they should do. "just cut it shorter," is usually all I can come up with. 15 minutes and 15 bucks later, I walk out rubbing my head in a confused afterglow, resolved to be more assertive next time, to remember the right clipper setting for my sides....but the whole experience soon fades like all the dreams where I am loved by women. Not until I my hair returns me to helmet-head status do I recall my former resolve.

One thing I want to make clear...the Humpty Dance is one of the greatest pop songs ever written (and by pop, I mean non-classical, non-jazz). I'd like to refresh your memory on Humpty's lyrical dexterity:

"Hey fat girl, come here, are you ticklish? Yeah I called you fat, look at me, I'm skinny. Never stopped me from gettin' busy. I'm a freak. I like the girls with the boom. I once got busy in a burger king bathroom."

Damn, this guy is awesome!

Check this out:

My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I'm still gettin' paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my nose is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid"

And just about my all-time favorite line any any poem, song, psalm, film, play, tv show, or novel:

"Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear."

Yes!