Deep Thoughts: Two Levels of Life

Human existence is a funny thing. We are asked to exist simultaneously in the realm of the miraculous and the realm of the mundane. The most fundamental elements of our existence are all mysterious. What is consciousness? What is reality, and why is it here? Do I have a soul, or am I a constantly changing collection of elements with no permanent identity? Is there a God? What is time? What is space? And of course, why do we have to die, and what happends when we do? Not to mention the mysteries of the mind: memory, dreams, desires. We are constantly confronted by tiny miracles. An artist creates something from nothing. A child is born, creating consciousness out of lifeless matter. Two people have a conversation, and somehow form a conduit through which individual minds connect to each other across lifeless space. Sometimes they can even make each other laugh, and jesus, what the hell is laughter?

We are completely surrounded and inundated by this realm of magic, mystery, and miracle. Seen through this lens, life can be awe-inspiring, terrifying, thrilling, wondrous, and debilitating.

Even in the midst of these truths, we must live everyday lives. We have to do the dishes and the laundry. We have to go to work and go to the grocery store. We have to change diapers and call our moms. We mow the grass. We have to run our countries, pave the roads, fight wars, and dig for oil. I have to move all my shit and get my haircut. I need to exercise and eat right. I need to find a girlfriend. I need to vote. I laugh at a funny joke. I send my friend a dirty text message. I watch Spider Man, or the Killer Eye, or Steven Segal movies.

It is a source of some anxiety, this requirement to live in both the existential and the everyday worlds. There is, one might say, some degree of cognitive dissonance. Sometimes I feel like everybody else is better at tuning out the existential realities. They are mysterious and wondrous, but they are not, by any means, safe. They are not cute and cuddly. They are like God, and indeed, some people would basically equate the two. As John the Baptist says to Jesus in the Last Temptation of Christ, "Do you think Love is God's only way? Go to the Dead Sea, look at the bottom. You'll find two whores: Sodom, and Gamorrah."


Looking back at my life, I think I've always been a little more sensitive to this aspect of reality. Who knows what predisposed me to it. That's what drew me to religion and philosophy. I wanted answers to those mysteries, so I could feel a little less overwhelmed by them. But, I think maybe it was a mistake to follow those impulses, because the mysteries just get deeper and deeper. Now, it's hard for me to embrace the everday.

So, if you ever hear me describe myself as weird or crazy or neurotic, this is what I'm talking about. I just mean that more than most folks, I say to myself, "holy shit...I'm gonna die, and I don't even know who, what, or why I am" or some such overwhelming question. (not too mention, "holy shit...there are a lot of poor people and the world is melting and there are wars! or some such question that exists somewhere between the everday and the existential).

Buddha was a smart man. I think he understood that mystery surrounds us, and indeed, we are the most mysterious thing of all. We are not what we think we are. Don't try to fight it....accept that existence is bigger than you. We "suffer" the world. Existence happens TO us, whether we like it or not. So, learn to just let yourself laugh at that fart joke. Learn to be there with your lover. Don't let the fear of being alive take from you the joy of being alive. It's a good goal.