This Week, with Joe Hippopotamus

Wow...what a shitty week! Threw my back out. Now I'm sick. I didn't get anything done. Lots of bad moods. Terrible, terrible week. I vote that this week be kicked off the island. I move to strike this week from the record. I shun this week. I call for this week's immediate resignation. This week should be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors. This week shall henceforth be redacted in future publications of my life story. This week should be wiped from the universe's memory through hypnotic suggestion. This week should surrender its guns to the ATF and go quietly to maximum security solitary confinement.

This week should be declared unconstitutional. The chair does not recognize this week's right to address the chamber. I will hold this week in contempt of court! This week should wash away like so much Californian top soil after heavy rains. I wish this week would be eaten by bears and shat out in a hot steaming pile of bear shit.

This week just sucked.

I want to swab this week with a clorox wipe and remove it like the oil on a teenager's pimply face. I very much want to throw this week on a bonfire and dance around it naked with my face painted with this week's blood while it screams its last screams and transmogrifies into cinders. This week is fired. This week is neither the top chef nor the last comic standing nor America's next top model. May this week go the way of the booby. May the fire prepared before time for the sinners and nonbelievers consume the very ghost of this week with infernal ferocity.

This week can go suck an egg.