I and Thou

I can't tell if this cat loves me or hates me. It follows me around and meows at me. It rubs against my leg and tries to jump in my lap. It will occasionally hiss at me or take a swat at my leg as I walk by. It's sort of like an abusive spouse, I guess.

When the kids leave home, what do parents do? Do they have to figure out if they still like each other after 20 years of child rearing? If there's still some spark of, not even passion, but just affection? A group of three or more is nothing, nothing, like a group of two. Martin Buber, the 20th century Jewish theologian and philosopher, said that consciousness consists of relationships, of which there are two sorts. One sort is the I/it relationship. The other is the I/You relationship. That's why people write notes on each other's "walls" on facebook instead of sending them a private message. The implied third party viewer reduces the sting of intimacy. Anybody else's presence turns a conversation into a performance.

When you start spending time by yourself, it's like the kids left home, and it's just you and the world, staring at each other across a kitchen table. You say to yourself, "oh yeah...that's really what this is about. It's always, at the heart of it, been me and you, and it always will. We love the kids, and we wish them well, but it's this, this thing between us, that has to be strong, or nothing else works, does it?"

And you never really know until it's just the two of you, going to sleep next to each other and waking up next to each other, whether it's any good or not.

I think I understand her, and I think I love her, and I don't think anything's going to change that. I'm riding this thing until death do us part.